Angelina Jolie Doesn’t Really Do Makeup

March 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Angelina Jolie recently did an interview with Hello (via People) to talk about her perfume gig with Guerlain. Angelina told Hello more of what we already knew: that she wasn’t taking any money from Guerlain (she’s donating it to charity), and that she had a connection to Guerlain because that’s what her late mother Marcheline Bertrand wore.

Since Guerlain is also a makeup company, Angelina talked about what she puts on her face. Angelina says her makeup routine is low because she has “six kids and no time,” and that her only real makeup must-have is under-eye concealer. But really, even if she did have the time, she probably wouldn’t be slathering her face in anti-aging creams and shit like that. Angelina cares not for any of that frivolousness, because she has more important things to worry about.

“Maybe because my last decade has included many health scares and a focus on raising children, I am simply happy to be healthy, and above all that the children are healthy. There is nothing else to fear. It makes life clear.”

I’m sure pre-playing nice Brad Pitt would have read that and though: “But of course she doesn’t put on makeup. That enchanted shell around her neck does all the work for her.

Regarding her perfume, Angelina said she’d only put her name on it if it was something she would wear herself. Don’t they all say that? But I believe her. If she’s not getting paid for the job, at the very least she might as well get a bottle of perfume to wear out of it. Mon Guerlain smells like lavender and sandalwood. So that’s what present-day Angelina wants to smell like. What I really want to know is what Billy Bob Thornton-era Angelina wanted to smell like. Actually, I think I can probably guess. Top notes of sweat and leather, middle notes of tattoo ink and crotch fumes, base notes of gasoline and blood. Am I close?


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