Ben Affleck Was Seen With A “Mystery Blonde” (UPDATE)

January 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Well, well, well, it looks like Ben Affleck may be auditioning new pap stroll partners. The Daily Mail posted EXCLUSIVO pictures of a thrilled-looking Ben hanging with a ~*~mysterious~*~ lady friend, who is sort of giving me “rested Kellyanne Conway with a splash of Amy Poehler.”

Ben and his mystery date (Side note: My favorite Mystery Date is Tyler.) had lunch yesterday at Sugarfish in Beverly Hills before going to a bookstore together. You know what the millennials say: a picture is worth a thousand emojis. And this one’s nothing but sad face emojis (for Ben) and happy face emojis (for mystery blonde).

They look like a sad 7-year-old who was pulled out of bed and dragged to the first day of second grade by his stay-at-home mom who can’t wait to spend the morning drinking white wine while watching Judge Judy. They also look like a grumpy grandpa whose being forced to go to his doctor’s appointment by a cheery caretaker who keeps telling him that they’ve got lollipops there.

Mystery blonde is me on Friday and Ben is me on Monday. Mystery blonde is me while bringing up Grindr on my phone and Ben is me after not getting one response.

Ben always looks miserable, so if you told me it was a date, I’d say okay, and if you told me it was a business thing, I’d say okay. But based on her facial expressions, I’d say it’s either a business situation or she’s a life coach or some sorts. I mean, she looks way too happy for a woman whose hanging out with Ben Affleck for free.

UPDATE: Page Six has ID’d the mystery blonde as Elizabeth Weaver, a detox nurse/sober companion who owns a concierge nursing business. So yeah, I’d look miserable in the face too if the paps were taking pics of me and my cheery detox nurse.


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