Open Post: Hosted By Michael Fassbender Dipping His Dangling Pen Into A Bottle

If you didn’t look at that picture and got all excited after misreading the headline as “Michael Fassbender Dipping His Dangling Peen Into A Bottle,” then: 1) We’re soul siblings, because we both always have dick on the brain. 2) You’re crazy to think that Michael Fassbender could dip his salchicha into a bottle. The only way he could fuck a bottle is if the bottle looks like this:

Even then, he’d need a gallon tub of Crisco to get it in.

But anyway, Michael Assbender was on The Tonight Show last night to promote his new movie The Light Between Two Oceans, and Jimmy Fallon decided that they should play a game of “Pen In Bottle.” Michael’s piece Alicia Vikander taught Jimmy the Swedish drinking game when she was on last week. All you do is tie a string with a pen attached to it around your waist, and then you squat while trying to sex the bottle with your pen. I know, the people at The Tonight Show are genius pervs. They came up with a G-rated way to show us what it looks like when Michael Fassbender pile drives.

You can’t tell from that clip since it was cut due to FCC rules, but even though Michael Fassbender missed the hole, that bottle still came.

And here’s Alicia and Michael taking selfies with their fans outside of their hotel in NYC a couple of days ago:

Pics: Splash