Amy Schumer appears on the cover of this month’s Vanity Fair for their Sisters issue. Since it’s all about sisters, I assumed the entire issue would be dedicated to Amy and her sister from another blister (a blister that formed while walking home from a one-night-stand in a pair of too-tight shoes and stopping only to get a slice of dirty breakfast pizza) Jennifer Lawrence. But no, I guess Vanity Fair wanted to stick with actual sisters, so Amy spoke a little bit about her sister and writer/producer of Inside Amy Schumer Kim Caramele instead. She also talked about the tragic shooting that left 2 women dead during a screening of her film Trainwreck at a movie theater last July.
Shortly after the shooting inside of a Lafayette movie theater playing Trainwreck happened, Amy, who wrote and starred in it, tweeted that the news left her “heartbroken.” She elaborated a little further during her interview with Vanity Fair, and apparently she was the kind of heartbroken that makes you want to track down a time-machine and save everyone a whole lot of tears by preventing yourself from writing it.
Schumer was in Los Angeles the night of the killings, still doing publicity for Trainwreck, then about to enter its second week of release, when she noticed “a million” missed calls from her publicist on her phone. “I was laughing before I called her back, because I thought it was going to be like a sex tape [had surfaced] or something. So I was kind of laughing, like ready to … ” Schumer paused. “And then she told me there had been this shooting.” Schumer paused again, her eyes moistening. “It really … I don’t know. It’s like when the Dark Knight shooting happened, and in Paris. The idea of people trying to go out and have a good time – you know, like looking forward to it? I don’t know why that makes me the saddest.”
She was crying now, but speaking in a steady voice. “So my publicist told me. And then I put on the news. I was by myself in a hotel, and I was just like, I wish I never wrote that movie.” She knew intellectually that she had nothing to do with the shooting, but friends who reached out and tried to comfort her, telling her the shooting wasn’t her “fault,” only made it worse. “I just felt helpless and stupid.”
Obviously it wasn’t Amy’s fault why an asshole went full-asshole in a movie theater that night, so I really hope she didn’t beat herself up for too long about it. I also hope she never finds that time machine, because John Cena with a washcloth draped over his jacked junk is a gift you should never take back.
You can read Amy’s whole interview with VF here. She talks a lot about being a rich famous person now and how her friends are scared she might get too Hollywood for them. Don’t worry, Amy’s friends. She’s still the same ol’ “straddling dick-shaped shit for LOLs” Amy you’ve always known. For example, Amy let Annie Leibovitz, who has plenty of experience shooting Amy with her tits out, take her picture while straddling a giant gold dildo.
“By the way, that’s a totally average prop bomb. So don’t go adding this to your ‘women who are brave enough to pose on a plus-sized prop’ inspiration board ” said Amy to Glamour.