Open Post: Hosted By A Topless Alexander Skarsgard

It’s currently negative-cold as HELL where I live, so seeing a hot topless trick like Alexander Skarsgard strutting around like a My Size Ken doll is making me feel all sorts of feelings. For one, it’s making my ass jealous of an ass that has feeling in it (mine froze weeks ago). It’s also making me feel hypnotized and sleepy, which is one of the two side-effects of staring into Alexander Skarsgard’s beefy V-muscles. (The second being Increased Risk of Wrist Fracture from aggressive fapping, of course). But mostly it’s making me wish I had the kind of life where killing time means watching a topless Alexander Skarsgard strutting around, like Nick Grimshaw does.

Alexander Skarsgard is currently on vacation with his girlfriend Alexa Chung and a bunch of their friends, one of which is BBC Radio 1 host Nick Grimshaw. Nick filmed a Snapchat video of a half-naked Alex serving up buff dinner roll realness yesterday and released it to those of us who aren’t lucky enough to witness it in person, because Nick Grimshaw is a generous soul who is clearly gunning for sainthood after he dies.

RIP Nick Grimshaw’s inbox. I bet it’s bursting at the seams with emails begging him to be a little more specific about that “He will smash you up” part and requests for a slow-mo edit featuring a close-up shot of those swimsuit laces bouncing off his crotch.