Sean Penn Is Trying To Get Back With Charlize Theron

“RUN GIRL, RUUUUUUUN!” just shouted everyone with even the slightest knowledge of who Sean Penn is. Even the crusty sunburnt skin flakes gathering in Sean Penn’s forehead wrinkles are like “Like, sure, we’re close, but real talk – you don’t want any of this.”

According to Radar, Sean Penn is having a tough time letting go of Charlize Theron. Ever since she decided it was time to back away from the perpetually-angry overcooked campfire hotdog that is Sean Penn, a source says that Sean has been desperately trying to weasel his way back into her life. Apparently Sean’s brilliant plan to get Charlize back involved drunk-dialing her after a Rolling Stones concert (correction: It was actually a U2 concert. I’ve clearly had too much birthday cake-flavoured vodka today). And just like many of us would when we hear the words “Heyyyyy….you awake?” slurred through the phone by an ex, she responded by hanging up on his sloppy ass.

“Sean had been partying with the band, and he decided to call Charlize very late — it was obvious he was feeling no pain,” says the source. “He wanted to go over to Charlize’s house, but she said no way…she refused to be a booty call!”

The source also says that before Sean rang up Charlize, he was “very much acting like a single man on the prowl.” Ew. I just pictured Sean Penn slithering up to women at that U2 after-party and whispering “Hey mama, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, and that thing is someone willing to fuck me tonight. Wait – where are you going?“