Benedict Cumberbatch Has Spawned!

After many months of gestating in its humanoid growth pod (aka Sophie Hunter’s womb), the intergalactic alien lizard royal baby is here! That loud wailing sound you just heard was either the wails of happiness from the citizens of Benedict Cumberbatch’s home planet or the wails of sorrow from the Cumberbitches. It’s hard to tell them apart – they both sound the same. The Daily Mail says a rep for Benedict Cumberbatch released this statement earlier today confirming that his wife of four months popped out a baby boy.

“Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter are delighted to announce the arrival of their beautiful son. We would kindly ask everyone to respect the family’s privacy during these next few precious weeks.”

“Ha! See how they didn’t specify whether or not it was a human son? I knew it!” said every “Benedict Cumberbatch is an alien disguised as a human” truther.

So far all we know is that Sophie had a baby boy, but that’s about it. No idea on the weight or what he looks like, so until I see a picture, I’m just going to assume he looks like one of Kif Kroker’s babies or that adorable alien squid baby from Men In Black. Also not known is what Benedict and Sophie have named their new baby. Usually this would be where I make a joke about British-sounding baby names, but even “Nigel Fitzcrumpet” is nothing compared to “Benedict Cumberbatch“.

Regardless – congratulations on your new baby, Benedict and Sophie! And to everyone on Benedict’s home planet, congratulations on your future king!