Chelsea Clinton Is Now A Mom

September 27, 2014 / Posted by:

You may file this news under “Oh my god I’m so old grab my Werthers and run me an epsom salt bath” or simply just shed a tear that Socks the Cat didn’t live long enough to be an uncle (Unky Socks sends his love from Kitty Heaven, I’m sure). Shortly after midnight last night, former first daughter and owner of legendary teen girl hair Chelsea Clinton announced on Twitter that she had finally evicted the baby who had been renting a room in her womb for the past 9 months, and now her and her husband Marc Mezvinsky are the parents of a baby girl named Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky. Which also means it’s time to crack open a bottle of sparkling moonshine, cause BUBBA IS A PEPAW NOW!

Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky sounds like the name of a high-powered Upper West Side real estate agent who always wears Christian Dior Poison, goes by “Char-Char” when she’s drunk, and won’t show you anything under $4.8 million. I love it! 30 years from now, she could star in a reality show about the cutthroat world of lady condo brokers. It could be called Billion Dollar Bitche$ (I assume condos will be a billion dollars in the future).

And I know Chelsea is only one-half hee-haw, but I was sort of hoping she might pay tribute to Bill Clinton’s Arkansas upbringing by at least giving her baby a southern-fried gravy-slathered middle name, like Britnee or Amber or Bobbi-Jo. Charlotte Bobbi-Jo Mezvinsky has a nice ring to it!

(via Page Six)

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