Chrissy Teigen Thinks That Cats Are The Devil’s Children

August 8, 2014 / Posted by:

Look at how dignified that dog is with its little crossed legs. That dog should teach classes at a canine finishing school. Hell, that dog should be the headmistress for the next season of VH1’s Charm School.

Sexy swimsuit chipmunk Chrissy Teigen admitted out loud what everyone who has ever found a shoe full of pussy piss has been thinking for years: that cats are the spawn of Satan. Chrissy told Esquire (via Celebitchy) that even though she likes cats, they’re still “the Devil’s children”, adding that she’s not sure why anyone would adopt one (aside from it being a very long drive to the SPCA in Hell):

“People love to say, ‘My cat is great. He’s just like a dog.’ I always think, Well, get a fucking dog!”

Excuse you, but Tara the dog-whoopin’ super tabby from Bakersfield would like a word with you, Chrissy (#notallpussies). I know what Chrissy is saying – that cats sort of have a reputation of being vindicating scratch-having troublemaking assholes. But clearly she’s never interacted with a member of the asshole dog community. Dogs can be demon spawn too! One time I saw a dog rub its dog balls on a baby’s carseat and, I swear to god, it looked like it was smiling. Then it scooted its butt across the carpet in what looked like the shape of a pentagram and placed a sacrificial Milk Bone in the centre. So yeah, it’s not just cats. I’m sure if I look hard enough, I could probably find a story about a canary chirping in Satanic backwards-talk.

And besides, the only evil pussies on Lucifer’s family tree are the Kardashians.

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