QOTD: Lana Del Rey Wishes She Was Dead

June 13, 2014 / Posted by:

This is the picture Ambien pills look at when they have trouble falling asleep. Damn, even those roses look sleepy. Can flowers look sleepy? Either way, don’t put those roses behind the wheel of a car any time soon.

Perpetually bored-looking singer and instant narcolepsy trigger Lana Del Rey has found something that bores her even more than talking about feminism: life. After talking about two of her heroes, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse, the heavily-sedated singing alter-ego of a brown-throated sloth melodramatically told The Guardian:

“I wish I was dead already.”

Interviewer Tim Jonze then pointed out to 27-year-old Lana that both Kurt and Amy flew up to Heaven (on a flannel shirt and filthy ballet flats, respectively) when they were 27 and asked if she sees early death as “glamorous”, to which Lana replied:

“I don’t know. Ummm, yeah.”

Tim Jonze, who at this point in time is probably wondering if it’s too late to fake food poisoning and get the fuck out of there, assures Lana that she probably doesn’t actually want to hitchhike up to Jesus any time soon, but the human yawn says:

“But I do. I do! I don’t want to have to keep doing this. But I am.”

Slow down, Lana Del Don Draper, I know you’ve got a new album to hustle, but I’m not sure romanticizing your own death is the way to do it. If she is serious about joining the 27 Club, then homegirl needs to get her ass to the closest person she knows who’s name starts with the letters “Dr.” and talk that shit out. Joining the 27 Club isn’t that awesome; a lot of cool stuff happens after 27. Like when you turn 30, and stop giving a shit about everything.

But in the event she’s just saying that death shit as a joke, doesn’t she realize the irony? Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse were brilliant musicians with magnetic personalities, and Lana Del Rey…has nice hair. NO! That’s terrible. Her contributions to the music industry are great and important. For example, Born to Die has redefined the way we treat insomnia. For that, she at least deserves a Nobel Prize.

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