Bitch Moves Fast: Olivia Munn Got Herself A New Boyfriend In 2 Weeks

May 15, 2014 / Posted by:

“Good work, you two.”Olivia Munn to her breasts.

Olivia Munn, aka not the one who got knocked-up by January Jones’s alleged sperm donor, confirmed she had ended her two-year relationship with the dude who played RoboCop in that not-good RoboCop reboot (government name: Joel Kinnaman) on April 29th, and a little more than 2 weeks later, Us Weekly is saying she’s moved on to the quarterback of the Green Bay Packers Aaron Rodgers. Damn girl, 2 weeks? Doesn’t a pussy deserve time to recuperate from getting rode hard by RoboCop’s robotic dick? Let it put its feet up, take a Calgon bath, something.

Olivia and Aaron Rodgers met last month at the Academy of Country Music Awards last month, where the two presented an award together. Wait, the fuck was Olivia Munn doing presenting a county music award? Well, I guess they bonded over country music or something (her tits) and kept in touch, because the two were seen (don’t say it, Allison) canoodling (you asshole) on Saturday at a restaurant in Malibu. An eye-witness claims they “stole kisses” throughout dinner. EW. Stealing kisses? Was the eye-witness a Precious Moments figurine?

Because the only thing I know about football is that the failing to serve queso dip at a Super Bowl party is the quickest way to get me to leave, I decided to do a little research on this Aaron Rodgers fellow. Aaaaaand it turns out he’s kind of boring. Then again, anything is a major upgrade from the raging hemorroid-infected asshole Olivia once bumped her parts against. Plus, she’s probably getting a Cheese Hat out of it, so really, it’s a win-win.

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