Craig Ferguson Quits The Late Late Show On CBS

April 28, 2014 / Posted by:

Seen above showing us what CBS did to him by not giving him David Letterman’s job on The Late Show, Craig Ferguson has told everyone that when December comes he’ll say goodbye to The Late Late Show. Actually, that hot Scottish piece (yes, I would) is the one who bent CBS over, spit in their hole and gave it to them since they’re apparently giving him around $10 million since he had first right of refusal for Letterman’s job and they gave it to Stephen Colbert instead of him. Get money and retire, bitch!

Craig became host of The Late Late Show in 2005 and his contract is up at the end of this year, but he doesn’t want to stay. There were already rumors that Craig was going to slide out the exit door if he didn’t get Letterman’s job, so this isn’t exactly surprising. Craig told the audience during his show tonight that after December you can find him rolling around naked on a pile of money while guzzling down liquefied and sparkling hundred dollar bills.

“CBS and I are not getting divorced, we are ‘consciously uncoupling,’ but we will still spend holidays together and share custody of the fake horse and robot skeleton, both of whom we love very much.”

And now brace yourselves for all the “replacement” rumors, because every goddamn whore from John Travolta’s wig to the trick you met on Craigslist who screamed, “Here comes the party,” before he came (you know who I’m talk about) is going to show up on the list of possible replacements. But apparently, human Vodka bottle Chelsea Handler isn’t going to be on that list since she’s going to Netflix.

CBS should spare us all with the rumors and just give the job to the fucking robot:


Bitch already knows the show and he’s as dead inside as most of the guests he’ll interview. He’s perfect!

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