Release The Sequin-Covered Doves! Elton John Is Getting Married!

March 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Last night in England at the stroke of midnight, the term “same-sex civil partnerships” was taken out back and given the Old Yeller treatment, and replaced by the word “marriage”, which means that everyone in the land of crumpets and corgis can legally choose to be a husband or a wife! And Elton John’s piece David Furnish has told Attitude (via the Mirror) that you can start dusting off your Flying Spaghetti Monster hat, because they’re planning to be one of the first couples to re-run down the aisle. Elton and David Furnish have been together longer than forever, and were able to make it legal in 2005, but only as “partners” (a word both of them turn their noses up at). So they’re both super-dupes excited that they can now officially become husband and husband:

“Elton and I will marry – as a high-profile couple, we feel it is our duty to do it, to make sure that everyone knows that this is something that many gay men living in this country never dreamed would happen. Elton and I both think there is a massive difference between calling someone your partner and calling them your husband. Partner is such an impersonal word and doesn’t adequately describe the love we have for each other.”

My deepest condolences go out to Prince William and Duchess Kate; I’m sure they thought their wedding would go down in history as one of the most important British weddings of the 21st century, but they can’t compete with the eleganza of Elton John. Elton and David did the low-profile courthouse thing to celebrate their partnership the first time around, but now that they’re officially allowed to call it a marriage, you can’t tell me Elton and David aren’t going to go balls-to-the-Versace-covered-walls. There will be doves. There will be a dozen white pianos. There will be a goddamned lion singing Can You Feel The Love Tonight at the reception. If there’s ever been a time for Elton to take this beautiful mess out of retirement, it’s now.

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