Money Must Be Tight at Castle Goopskull, Because Chris Martin Has Joined The Voice As A Mentor

March 19, 2014 / Posted by:

I know a check is a check, but a television talent competition? How gauche! I’m sure his wife Gwyneth Paltrow, the inventor of next-level elitism and snobbery, wouldn’t be too happy to hear about this. However she’s far too busy replacing all the air in her home with imported beluga breath, so we’ll have to tell her later.

According to E! Online, Chris Martin (seen here with Ace Ventura’s sleazy snatch-chasing younger brother) has signed on as a vocal coach and mentor on sixth season of NBCs The Voice. Martin joins a group of mentors that includes Jill Scott, The Band Perry, Miranda Lambert, and Aloe Blacc (that sounds like something Shailene Woodley buys in bulk). So, good news everyone who’s ever wanted to be mentored by the CD collection from your mom’s minivan console!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t it seem – how you say – beneath Chris Martin to appear on a television talent show, and not even a good one at that! I though the singing talent show hierarchy was as follows: WB Superstar USA, American Idol, The X Factor, America’s Got Talent, Making the Band, a show for talented singing cats that I’m assuming exists on Animal Planet, The Voice. And he’s only a mentor? That means he doesn’t even get a red chair! Although I doubt he’d actually want one; they’ve all tested positive for lead-based spackle, fibreglass hair, and antibiotic-resistant STDs.

Pic: NBC

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