But How Will Daddy Spears Make Britney Her Cheese Grits??

January 7, 2014 / Posted by:


Well, this is not okay. After some grocery stores on the East Coast complained about supply shortages,  Ad Age is reporting Kraft Foods Group is fucking with Brit’s breakfast of choice by “grappling with a Velveeta shortage just as the dip season kicks into full gear.” The stores reported that they won’t receive new shipments until February due to a variety of factors, including a possible plant issue and high demand.

Given the incredible popularity of Velveeta this time of year, it is possible consumers may not be able to find their favorite product on store shelves over the next couple of weeks,” Kraft spokeswoman Jody Moore said in an email. “Our retail customers are aware of the situation and we expect it to be a short-term issue.

This explains the ridiculous lines at Costco over the weekend. People weren’t hoarding bottled water and 5-gallon tubs of Crisco (the bulk shopper’s preferred brand of sex lube) because of the weather, they were stocking up on the melted plastic deliciousness that is Velveeta! Now everybody is going to have to reach for the generic brands to make their Ro-Tel dip for their upcoming football parties and imitation knock offs of an imitation knock off can only mean one thing in the digestive distress department- this cake just became the most accurate of all cake fuck ups:


Side note to Hallmark: Thanks for dropping the ball on what could have been the most glorious commercial holiday of all time: Dip Season! This needs to be a thing because I want nothing more in life than to mail out cards to my loved ones that say “Merry Dipmas and A Happy Food Year”.

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