Everything You Need To Know About The Alec Baldwin Stalker Trial

Legal stuff is really confusing. I have a lawyer friend and the only part of his job I understand is the term ‘billable hours’ and that he wears suits all the time. Other than that, his job is a mystery because laws are CONFUSING. I am not one to discuss courtroom drama because, fuck, I barely made it through Legally Blonde, and the only reason I watched Law & Order: SVU was for the possibility of seeing Det. Elliot Stabler shirtless (which accounted for 98% of their viewership, I think). However, I’m really invested in Alec Baldwin’s current stalker trial because it has everything: high drama, tears, the term ‘engagement day’, human fanny packs, Furkels, Blow J. Simpson. NO! But it’s close.

According to The NY Daily News, Alec Baldwin testified in court today against, Genevieve Sabourin, a woman charged with harassment and stalking Baldwin and his wife, Hilaria. Sabourin claims that the two were previously lovers, whereas Baldwin maintains that he only took her out to lunch as a favor to a friend. Either way, their relationship took a turn into Alex Forrest territory:

“Sabourin, 40, is charged with 23 counts of harassment and one count of of stalking. She says Baldwin was her lover and even cheated on Hilaria with her.

“He was seeing me, and he was seeing her,” she said.

Prosecutors contend Sabourin waged a months-long harassment campaign against the “30 Rock” star and bombarded him with 100 creepy emails and texts begging him to marrying her and “conceive a mini Baldwin.”

As Alec Baldwin testified that Genevieve ruined his engagement day with Hilaria, Genevieve made the smart decision to wave her right to behave like a sane person:

“Sabourin began heckling Baldwin almost from the moment he began testifying — even after he got teary-eyed on the stand.
“No! No!” she blurted out as Baldwin described how she flooded his inbox with voice mails that ranged from tearful begging and drunken badgering to steamy sexual come ons.

“Are you crazy!” Sabourin shouted when Baldwin testified that the harassing calls numbered in the hundreds.”

But it didn’t stop at Alec Baldwin. She also had some choice words for Hilaria as well:

“I never spoke to you,” Sabourin screamed. “You’re going to hell, Hilaria. You’re lying.”

Let’s sum up what we know so far:
– Genevive Sabourin is the physical manifestation of Insanity
– Alec Baldwin refers to the day he proposed to Hilaria as an “engagement day” (which is, as we can all agree, fucking stupid)
– Hilaria may or may not be going to hell, but she should pack a suitcase, just in case

COURTROOM BONUS! Here are some of the beautiful courtroom sketches of the trial!

Here we have Alex Baldwin (or Sam Waterston mid-transformation into The Hulk) wiping a totally-sincere and not manufactured tear from his eye, while Genevieve Sabourin gives serious ‘I’m on to you, trick‘ side-eye.

And here we have Alex Baldwin daydreaming of rude thoughtless little pigs, Genevieve Sabourin two seconds away from getting her ass tazed (even I know it’s a bad idea to jump up and verbally assault the person pressing charges against you), and a judge who looks like Stephen Hawking doing his best Night Court-era Harry Anderson.

One thing is for sure; this dramatic shit would NOT fly in the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. 

(Pics via Splash, NY Daily News)