Tell Us How You Really Feel, Kelly Osbourne

October 28, 2013 / Posted by:

I try to be fair and balanced in my writing (HA) but sometimes you need to sit back in contemplative silence and slow-clap for a bitch who brings the realness. My heart pulled a Grinch and grew three times larger for Kelly Osbourne after The Huffington Post reported that she told Lady Gaga to “Eat my shit”. NO OTHER CONTEXT IS NEEDED! Well, maybe just a bit. On Oct. 27, Lady Guh-gaa (copyright: Julie Klausner) appeared on UK’s The X Factor, where Kelly’s memaw Sharon Osbourne is a judge, and gave Sharon a cake for Kelly’s 29th birthday. Kelly and Gaga aren’t exactly wearing matching gold BFF necklaces, so Kelly saw this as the ultimate in empty gestures, and took to Twitter to blast a ho on their passive-aggressive cake-gifting tactics. Stars: They’re Just Like Us!

This modern-day Hatfield-McCoy mess began a long, long time ago in 2009 (4 years is like decades in celebrity feuds) when Kelly called Gaga a “butterface” (classic). Lady Gaga took them as fightin’ words and chose to sic her fans on Kelly’s Twitter (who held a luncheon to decide their best course of action was to advise Kelly to kill herself). Gaga also wrote a blog post (jesus, this really does sound like some hillbilly shit) slamming Kelly for being on E!’s Fashion Police. Kelly chose to, quite literally, save the drama her mama, and let Sharon enter the ring, who called Lady Gaga a “bully”.

Gaga decided there’s no time like the present to release a peace dove into the sky (through cake, of course) but Kelly took this as a not-so-subtle “YOUR MOVE, FUCKER”. Which, honestly, wouldn’t we all? If someone I hated gave my mom a cake (I still can’t with that awkward cake move) my first instinct would be to put on my ‘Aw Hayul No’-brand typing gloves and Tweet my hatred out too. Just kidding; I’d probably send an email that said: “Thnx for the cake, gave it to my dog” and proceed to eat the cake myself. So sneaky.

I’m decidedly Team Kelly on this one because I know this theatrical bitch was up to something. Lady Gaga is playing this off like “Gee shucks, I was just tryna be nice is all” but we can all see through the bullshit, right? Homegirl has an album to promote, so poking a sleeping dog with a birthday cake is a great idea when it’s a slow week for your escapades. Speaking of which, here’s Gaga leaving her London hotel looking like a shitty corn husk craft I made at Church Camp when I was 7.

(Pics via Wenn)

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