Idris Elba Has Done All The Drugs

If I’m shitting out more typos than usual and it looks like I typed this shit out with my foot after it fell asleep (“What else is new?” – you), it’s because I’m posting this mess while stuffed in an airplane to NYC and I swear this WiFi connection is coming from a satellite made of rusty paper clips that’s Gorilla Glued to the wing of the plane. But enough about my first world blogger problems.

Idris Elba, the hot piece who is responsible for a 100% rise in nipple secretions, has said before that he’s sold drugs, so it’s not exactly shocking news that he’s had all the drugs flowing through his veins before. In an interview with Playboy (via Vulture), Idris said in so many words that he makes Lindsay Lohan look like an amateur druggie, because he’s snorted and smoked it all. Has Idris ever huffed freon through his peen slit? Duh! Has Idris ever stuck a crack pipe up his b-hole, inhaled and then exhaled the smoke through the mouth on his face? Um, he did that so long ago. Idris has done it all!

“I didn’t start smoking weed until later in life…I mean, I’m not gonna lie — I’ve tried everything, just between you, me and the people who read this magazine. I’ve tried it all. I played one of the biggest drug dealers in the world on TV, so you think I’d know what I was talking about.”

I know for a fact that Idris hasn’t done EVERY drug. To paraphrase the dumper skank philosopher Ke$hit, my love is a drug….and I know Idris hasn’t done that drug. Yes, my love is the kind of drug that gives whores the shakes, the sweats, night terrors, a severe case of the barfs and instantly turns them into a hardcore anti-drug advocate, but it’s still a drug!