Ace Knute Makes His Magazine Cover Debut

Jessica Simpson is old-fashioned and figures why post a picture of your 2-month-old baby on Instagram and Twitter for free when you can make that money by selling pictures of your newborn baby’s face to UsWeekly? Papa Joe taught her well.

While wearing the white lace table runner that my tia bought from a beach vendor in Rosarito Beach, Mexico, Jessica Simpson poses with her 15-month-old daughter Maxwell and her newborn kid Ace Knute on the cover of UsWeekly. SO MUCH WHITE! It looks like a Norwegian ad for cotton. Maxwell looks kind of tall for a 15-month-old, but then again she was up in Jessica’s womb for about 3 years.

Jessica tells UsWeekly that she gave birth to Ace Canoe via a scheduled C-section and she also said that she’s kind of done with making babies:

“Pregnancy is a lot. It was hard to do two so close together. I have this huge sense of accomplishment, and I feel in my heart that I’m done. But obviously, accidents do happen!”

“Mommy, how did I get here?” – Ace Canoe “Obviously, accidents do happen!” – Jessica

So that’s why Whatshisname Johnson wasn’t in the picture. I thought it was because nobody gives a shit about him, but it’s because he was crying in the corner after Jessica said that she’s done with birthing out babies. If Jessica never gives birth to another baby again that means she’ll never buy Whatshisname a $42,000 “push present” again.

And Ace Knute is barely 2 months old and even he’s trying to figure out what Miley’s doing. That double down-eye says it all.