Sylvester Stallone Hates Bruce Willis

I live for two millionaire pepaws going at it and slapping the Werther’s Originals (with protein and whey, of course) out of each other’s mouths. Or in this case, one is doing the slapping while the other lazily rolls around in a California King bed made of cash as his child bride moisturizes his bald head with imported seahorse caviar.

Sylvester Stallone announced on Twitter today that Harrison Ford is replacing Bruce Willis in Expendables 3 (working title: Old Hot Bitches With Guns 3) and he scratched at Bruce’s bald head while doing so.

Sylvester Stallone’s spokeswhore told HuffPo that he did write the tweet and the tweet was about Bruce Willis, but they refused to say anything else.

I don’t know what Bruce Willis did to set Sylvester Stallone’s buff b-hole on fire. Bruce Willis has always been the epitome of a perfectly pleasant and amazingly generous co-worker. I’ve never EVER heard of him being a complete ass dingle to everyone he meets. My guess is that Bruce wanted more money and refused to lift a cement truck for 10 hours a day in the gym like Sly does. GREEDY and LAZY. Sylvester didn’t have to hire Harrison Ford, though. He could’ve just pulled out one of his mutant arm veins, fed it some more HGH, taught it a few words to say and made it the newest Expendables cast member.

And if you’re wondering why Harrison would do this shit. A check is a check and Claire’s isn’t lowering the price on their starter studs anytime soon.

Here’s Sly’s veins trying to wiggle out of his arms while he was on vacation in St. Tropez with his wife a couple of days ago.

Pics: Splash