Ellen’s Going To Host The Oscars Again

August 2, 2013 / Posted by:

I guess the Academy doesn’t want their inbox to fill up with e-mails from angry hos screaming about offensive boob jokes, because they’ve kicked Seth MacFarlane off of the stage and are bringing Ellen Degeneres back. This is a safe choice for everyone but One Million Moms Five Crazy Bitches With One Million E-Mail Address. Right now, those crazy bitches are probably in their kitchens rage writing a “THINK OF THE CHILDREN” statement as their husbands tip toe out of the front door to troll for dick in a park bathroom.

Ellen announced her return on Twitter this morning and the Academy burped up this release:

“We are thrilled to have Ellen DeGeneres host the Oscars,” said Zadan and Meron. “As a longtime friend, we had always hoped to find a project for us to do together and nothing could be more exciting than teaming up to do the Oscars. There are few stars today who have Ellen’s gift for comedy, with her great warmth and humanity. She is beloved everywhere and we expect that the audience at the Dolby Theatre, and in homes around the globe, will be as excited by this news as we are.”

“I am so excited to be hosting the Oscars for the second time. You know what they say – the third time’s the charm,” said DeGeneres.

“I agreed with Craig and Neil immediately that Ellen is the ideal host for this year’s show,” said Cheryl Boone Isaacs, Academy President. “We’re looking forward to an entertaining, engaging and fun show.”

If next year’s Oscars are anything like Ellen’s show, then I’m guessing that there’s going to be a lot of dancing in the aisles and she’s going to scare celebrities with what they fear most. I can’t wait to see John Travolta’s wig jump off his head and cling to the ceiling when a giant coochie creeps up behind him.

And where do I sign the petition to get the Academy to hire Crazy Rhubarb Lady as head writer?

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