Karl Lagerfeld Thinks His Bitchy Words Inspired Adele To Lose Weight

The soulless vampires of the underworld were left confused about the meaning of their lives when their king, Kunty Karl, said that he feels actual love toward his pussy Choupette. The future of evil was in doubt when a heartless ghoul like Kunty Karl declared love for a living thing. But every heartless creature can breathe a cold sight of relief, because Kunty Karl is back to being a ridiculous kunt.

During the same interview where Karl said he wants to make Choupette his wife, CNN’s Alina Cho asked him about Adele, whom he said was “a little too fat.” The current reigning King of Kunts and former fatty said this about current day Adele:

“I never said that she was fat, I said that she was a little roundish; a little roundish is not fat. But for such a beautiful girl, after that she lost eight kilo so I think the message was not that bad.”

So Karl called Adele fat and she lost weight. Yet all of us have been calling Karl a mega kunt for years and he’s still a mega kunt. I guess there’s an exception to every rule and thank the dark lords for that, because where would we be without Karl’s words of wisdom?

But really, Karl is truly on to something. If you’ve been trying to lose some chunk, just stand in front of Karl and feel your insides shrivel as he slurps the edges of your soul while calling you “roundish” over and over again. Staring deep into Karl’s puckering zombie anus face will keep you off of food for a while, because you’ll be too traumatized and scared to get out from under your bed covers and you won’t go to the kitchen for a while. The pounds will drop off. It’s the Kunty Karl diet!