Lindsay Lohan Will Party In Brazil Before Going To Rehab

Before Lindsay Lohan checks herself into lockdown rehab for 90 days, she’s going to fly to Brazil to collect a six-figure check to pose and party at several events. TMZ says that right after LiLo shoots a guest appearance on her sugar daddy’s show Anger Management, she’s taking her freckled ass to South America. If the California Justice System really wants LiLo to serve that 90 days, they better attach a 6,000 mile-long leash on her ass, because something tells me bitch is going to predictably “lose” her passport or she’s going to marry a South American drug lord and stay down there forever. Brazil better close their doors to all things Lohan before they’re stuck with her ass.

LiLo still owes the IRS over $100,000 and since they refused White Oprah’s offer to call it even in exchange for Cody Lohan’s internal organs, LiLo has to somehow come up with the money. Some source tells TMZ that LiLo made a six-figure deal with a clothing line to promote their shit in Brazil. LiLo leaves on Wednesday. Since TMZ’s source’s name probably rhymes with Vina Hohan, she’s probably exaggerating as usual and by “six-figures” she really means two 8-balls and a half bottle of gin.

In other LiLo news, TMZ also says that even though she accepted 90 days in rehab, she doesn’t think she has a problem with booze and keeps filling her body with the sweet nectar. LiLo was guzzling down vodka sodas just hours after she was sentenced to rehab and she’s been partying ever since. On Friday night, LiLo and a friend showed up to a club called FLUXX in San Diego and sat at a VIP table. LiLo apparently didn’t want to be seen, because she wore a hoodie sweatshirt and a cap. Several vodkas on the rocks made their way down LiLo’s throat and she demanded that the server bring her vodka in a glass carafe, because she didn’t want any booze bottles on the table.

TMZ also reports that a bear shit in the woods on Friday night.

Lindsay Lohan getting as much booze in her body as she can before she checks into rehab is about as surprising as me spending my Friday night drunkenly watching Showgirls on Cinemax and reciting every single line. I can’t do a lot of things while drunk (example: pee standing up), but I can perfectly recite every line in Showgirls.