Shawn Holley And Lindsay Lohan Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

January 23, 2013 / Posted by:

Just like my 19-year-old self when my boyfriend at the time dumped me for having a cup of french onion soup with my ex at Mimi’s Cafe (he seriously dumped me for having french onion soup with my ex at Mimi’s Cafe and that’s not code for anything), Lindsay Lohan got on her knees, grabbed onto her lawyer Shawn Holley and desperately cried, “Don’t leave meeeeeeeeeee! I’ll suck yer dick!” And just like my boyfriend at the time, Shawn Holley kicked that trick off of her and said, “Get the fuck out of here and take your used up asshole with you, you disgusting whore!” And yes, I’m sure that’s the exact exit conversation that Shawn Holley and Lindsay Lohan had.

A little over a week ago, Lindsay Lohan hired Mark Heller as her new lawyer and signed a break-up letter that he wrote to Shawn Holley. LiLo claims that she didn’t know she was co-signing Shawn’s firing and I believe her, because she was probably messed up out of her mind when she put a pen to paper. LiLo begged Shawn to take her back and after she went over the pros (zero) and cons (too many to list) of taking that mess back, she decided that finger banging a garbage disposal would be a better decision than signing on to be LiLo’s lawyer again.

A source tells TMZ that Shawn Holley will file the necessary paperwork to be free of the freckled terror forever. LiLo’s next court hearing is on January 30th and Shawn hopes to be removed from the case before then. LiLo owes Shawn over $300,000 and Shawn knows that she’s not going to see a cent of that, so she’s cutting a bitch off while she still can.

I was going to say that LiLo thinking that hiring Mark Heller as her lawyer is a good idea has to be one of the most delusional thoughts she’s had in a while, but then I read her tweet about Heath Ledger. (FYI: “Matty” is Heath Ledger’s daughter Matilda. I am officially out of CAN’Ts when it comes to LiLo.)

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