Pull Joey Lawrence’s Wax Figure Out Of The Sun! It’s Melting!

October 21, 2011 / Posted by: Michael K

If you molded a Raven from RuPaul’s Drag Race statue out of Kellan Lutz’s hard ripped shits (yes, even his shits have a six-pack on them), Madge’s escapee arm veins and Jodie Marsh’s old face, then covered it with whatever you cover a Barbie with, threw a chestnut-colored FLOR tile on its head and pinched its face until it looked like it was trying to push out a fart through its nipple holes, you’d have Joey Lawrence in a completely natural and not-at-all staged glamour shoot in the middle of a West Hollywood park the other day.

If you unplugged those plugs and dropped a miniature beret on top of his head, he’d be the white Blaine Edwards! Three snaps toward a bottle of Pepto-B, because Joey looks like he has the runs and is trying to hold in a butt plug at the same time (the butt plug is winning). LOVED-ED IT!

Hair plug maintenance, weekly body fur removal and anus tinting don’t pay for themselves, so flex your way to that money, bitch. Let the flames of jealousy shooting off of your haters’ eyes singe your stray brow hairs so they stay looking like they just stepped off of the face of a Disney evil queen. Twerk, werk, whoa!

Tags: Eyebrow Situation, Joey Lawrence, This DOESN'T Belong In A Museum, Your Hairline Scares Me

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: [email protected]