Jakey Is Currently Taking Applications, I See

What you’re looking at is Jakey Gyllenhaal and Rashida Jones going to lunch together in L.A. over the weekend while his dog Atticus doesn’t even try to be slick about the “You’re not going to take him apple picking like that the last bitch, are you?” side-eye at her. Just because Jake and Rashida ate food together doesn’t mean they later took it to a lawyer’s conference room where she rolled around in beard wig glue while their publicists romantically planned their first staged UsWeekly cover together and worked out their photo-op schedule. Can’t a bald butch bitch and Quincy’s daughter just be friends?

Besides, a day after these pictures were taken, Jake was seen giving that bland Anna Kendrick ho the Christian side hug. Yes, their side hug is about as awkward as the side hug you give to the one night fuck partner who got soft mid-thrust when you run into him on the street (or about as awkward as the side hug a gay gives the chick he lost his vagina virginity to when they run into each other at their high school reunion), but I guess this still means that Rashida isn’t getting that second interview. Back to Monster.com’s beard section you go, Rashida!