March 7, 2011 / Posted by:

Warner Bros. TV has officially turned the highest-paid actor in television into the most annoying warlock crackhead in line at the unemployment office. They have snatched the winning hash tag out of Charlie Sheen’s hands by writing “DUH! BUH BYE” in sloth blood on his pink slip. The “maggot trolls” of Warner Bros. issued this statement:

“After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on Two and a Half Men effective immediately.”

Charlie continued to sound like he writes Choose Your Own Adventure novels in his spare time when he spewed out his response:

“This is very good news. They continue to be in breach, like so many whales. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of their bazillions, never have to look at whatshiscock again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension.”

Can Charlie continue to use “winning” even when he’s been fired by CBS, fired by sanity, fired by his publicist, fired by Brooke Mueller, and fired (for a quick second) by Bree Olson?

CBS hasn’t said whether or not Two and a Half Men will continue to terrorize, but I see no reason to put Jon Cryer and that kid out of a job. They should do what the producers of Valerie’s Family did when Valerie Harper quit that bitch: HIRE SANDY DUNCAN! If anybody can save a show, it’s Sandy Duncan! One and a Half Men Plus SANDY DUNCAN! Add it to your Tivo wish list just in case.

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