Un-Break My Checking Account

Toni Braxton is Toni Brokeston: The Sequel. There’s a good reason for why the right side of Toni Braxton’s head looks desolate and lonely. Bitch can’t afford a full weave! According to TMZ, Toni has declared herself officially bankrupt for the second time in 12 years. And Toni’s credit is really going out with a bang. Specifically, 50 million bangs.

Documents filed in California show that Toni pretty much owes everybody a piece of her “You’re Makin’ Me High” royalties. Toni has sold 40 million albums worldwide, but she claims she’s only worth $1 to $10 million and is nearly $50 million in debt. The list of Toni’s creditors include: Two DMVs, AT&T, Four Seasons Hotels, Neiman Marcus, Tiffany & Co, the IRS, BMW, Orkin Pest Control, DirecTV, your mother, your father, all your cousins, etc… etc…

So since Toni is sick of answering the phone in a foreign accent and hiding in the laundry basket in her bathroom whenever the bill collectors come knocking on her door, she has turned the page to Chapter 7.

TONI! TONI! TONI! Who the hell is this bitch’s business manager? Bernie Madoff? J. Wellington Wimpy? Toni needs to rid herself of her thirst for Tiffany & Co, The Four Seasons, AT&T, BMW and Orkin. None of that anymore. It’s Claire’s, Super 8, MetroPCS, used Geos and RAID from now on!