Pebbles the cat was woken up last night when she got a series of hysterical texts from her best friend Susan Boyle crying about how an evil man with a face like a boiled Scream mask (SuBo’s words, not mine) ruined everything! The Daily Mail says that the most famous karaoke singer in the entire world fled Los Angeles in a cloud of sadness last night right after Lou Reed refused to give permission for her to sing “Perfect Day” on America’s Got Talent.
Right before he kicked a litter of newborn kittens, snatched a lollipop out of a blind toddler’s hand and tied a damsel to the train tracks, Lou told the producers of AGT that he’s isn’t a SuBo fan so he’s not going to let her sing the song live.
A source says that SuBo is as fragile as the horn on a porcelain unicorn figurine, so she broke down into tears and headed for LAX to catch the next flight to London. The source added, “Susan is very sensitive and is genuinely upset. This has really knocked her confidence. She was in a car on the way to the studio when she was told the news and was totally devastated. She’s now at LAX Airport sobbing her heart out.”
But seriously! Something in the milk ain’t clean about this. Obviously, there’s a whole lot of confusion going on here. Susan Boyle singing Lou Reed? I’m afraid SuBo’s heartache was all in vain. SuBo didn’t want to sing Lou Reed’s Perfect Day! She wanted to sing Hoku’s Perfect Day! The lyrics are deeper and more intense… I mean, if it’s good enough for Sandals!
So now SuBo thinks Don Ho’s daughter popped the tiny bubble in her heart! Awful.