Woe Is Taylor Lautner

Give Taylor Lautner a heaving bosom for him to lay his tortured head on (Tommy Girl just pushed his ass cheeks together and threw a Cami Secret over them), because he has suffered emotional distress over not receiving his custom made trailer on the date promised. Yes, so stop dedicating your tears to the trash cat of Coventry, and focus on Taylor’s anguish instead!

TMZ reports that Taylor is suing McMahon’s RV, because they lied to him when they said they would deliver a $300,000 trailer to him by June 21st. Taylor was going to use the trailer while shooting Abduction, but he was forced to sit in a regular trailer thanks to McMahon’s. The lawsuit states that Taylor suffered “emotional distress” and “annoyance.” Taylor is asking for an unspecified amount in damages for breach of contract.

Staple your tongue to your desk if you’re thinking of throwing a “DRAMA QUEEN” at Taylor face. Taylor’s emotional distress is a real thing. How is Taylor going to sneak in his tricks if there’s no secret trap door in the closet of his trailer? How is Taylor going to make sure his abs are perfectly symmetrical without a magnifying three-way mirror in his trailer? See! Real issues! Today, we weep for Taylor.

Cut to Mischa Barton sitting on her trailer (aka a radio flyer wagon with a Go Girl and an empty Big Gulp cup in it) and saying, “Are you kidding me with this shit?”