The Bitchorette Is More Like It

In one of the conference rooms in Hell, Satan is holding meetings with the evil souls at ABC to try and figure out how they can keep shoving Kate Gosselin down the public-at-large’s throats. According to Life & Style, they might have come up with something! They are hearing that the Kraken of moms is in talks with ABC about starring in her own dating show. They are even considering making her the next Bachelorette. We are never waking up from our national nightmare….

A source (aka the minion who travels on Satan’s hot breath to bring us bad news) said, “Kate’s working on a deal to do a new reality dating series on ABC. “Kate would love to have someone in her life. She really misses the companionship. She wishes she had a man around to help her out.”

Whenever you have to fill out a mental health evaluation form (the government makes me fill one out weekly), you’ll always find that one of the first few questions is: “Would you date Kate Gosselin?” If you check “yes” to that question, a trap door opens beneath you and then the next thing you know you’re chewing on your straitjacket straps in the day room at Bellevue. So I don’t know how they are going to find anybody who wants to date Kate Gosselin.

I shouldn’t say that, if Kate hits up the underground S&M clubs I’m sure she’ll find a man who get tingly in the nips whenever her insults and whines make his nutsack slowly try to pull itself out by the root to escape her ass.