This Is Why You Should Sleep With A Ho Before You Get Married

Kevin Jonas and his wife of 5 months Danielle are already sleeping in separate rooms like old people from the 1950s, and not because she’s sick of the boys he brings home kicking her in the middle of the night. Apparently, Kevin’s loud ass snoring keeps Danielle’s ears twitching all night, so she has to sleep in the guest room.

A source tells InTouch, “Kevin and Danielle had never spent a night together until their wedding night, so she had no clue that he snores so loudly. She loves her husband, but now she sleeps in a guest room when he gets too noisy. They are still crazy about each other. But the snoring has become a big joke for their friends.”

There’s no need for Danielle to sleep in another room. Kevin’s “snoring” is actually his throat wailing for a little peen and his nose howling for the sweet scent of a pair of musky balls. That’s all! If Danielle wants to shut Kevin up, she just needs to shove a peencifier in his mouth. Then she can spoon with him all night long in silence. Marriage saved!