Kevin Smith Is Too Fat For Southwest

Kevin Smith exploded all over his Twitter page last night after Southwest Airlines hated on his chunk by pulling him off of a 1-hour flight from Oakland to Burbank. Kevin was already seated with his seatbelt fastened when he was told he would have to roll off the plane because the pilot labeled him a “flight risk.” According to Kevin’s fingertips, the pilot felt his fatness could crash the plane or his pit chunk could suffocate another passenger. Or maybe they are finally punishing him for Jersey Girl.

Here’s some of Kevin’s Twitter bacon-flavored (delicious) Twitter rant via SFist:

Dear @SouthwestAir – I know I’m fat, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

Dear @SouthwestAir, I flew out in one seat, but right after issuing me a standby ticket, Oakland Southwest attendant Suzanne (wouldn’t give
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

last name) told me Captain Leysath deemed me a “safety risk”. Again: I’m way fat… But I’m not THERE just yet. But if I am, why wait til my
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

bag is up, and I’m seated WITH ARM RESTS DOWN. In front of a packed plane with a bunch of folks who’d already I.d.ed me as “Silent Bob.”
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

So, @SouthwestAir, go fuck yourself. I broke no regulation, offered no “safety risk” (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?). I was
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

wrongly ejected from the flight (even Suzanne eventually agreed). And fuck your apologetic $100 voucher, @SouthwestAir. Thank God I don’t
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

embarrass easily (bless you, JERSEY GIRL training). But I don’t sulk off either: so everyday, some new fuck-you Tweets for @SouthwestAir.
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

Wanna tell me I’m too wide for the sky? Totally cool. But fair warning, folks: IF YOU LOOK LIKE ME, YOU MAY BE EJECTED FROM @SOUTHWESTAIR.
about 15 hours ago from Echofon

Kevin eventually made it home on ANOTHER Southwest flight, which he was not kicked off of.

The only thing I have to add to this is: WHY IN THE DEEP FRIED BUTTER HELL DID THIS NOT HAPPEN TO KIRSTIE ALLEY INSTEAD?!!!!? Reading her epic Twitter rant would’ve been like devouring an entire funnel cake covered with Fluff, Hershey’s chocolate syrup and Churro chunks. It would’ve been Christmas, my birthday and National Brownie Day rolled into one. It would’ve been better than a blowjob from a watermelon (so I’ve heard).

And since we’re on the subject of Southwest vs. the chubs, here’s a clip from one of my favorite reality shows Airline, which addresses this issue: