Joe Jackson Is Always Thinking About Those Dollars

Here’s Joe Jackson practicing his money counting skills, because he’s going to be doing a lot of that once the giant bags of cash start rolling in. In an interview with Extra, loving father Joe Jackson said that his son is worth more money dead than he is alive. Doesn’t that just make you want to punch yourself in the throat to keep from heaving?

When Joe realized that his constant inner monologue jumped out of his mouth, he tried to save it by saying he’d rather his son was alive. When talking about the new Michael Jackson movie This Is It, Joe queefed, “He’s worth more dead than when he was alive. I’d rather have him alive. When he was living, they didn’t show this.”

Joe went on to say that whenever he hears a Michael Jackson song he starts to get a little teary-eyed, but no one will ever see him cry, “When I’m off to myself and I start thinking about things that we went through.”

OH JOE! Keep that pimp game up. We all know Joe gets weepy, because the sound of the cash register in his head is just so moving and beautiful. And Joe doesn’t ever have to worry about anyone seeing him cry. It’s physically impossible for the tears to come out of his eye holes since gigantic dollar signs are always in the way.