Maury, Your Assistance Is Needed

This is TMZ: “Jackson/Rowe Not the Biological Parents!” This is UsWeekly: “Dermatologist Is Biological Dad of Michael Jackson’s Children!” This is Me: “MAAAAAURY! SAVE US!”

Maybe I should wash the jizz residue out of my eyes, because I always thought Michael Jackson’s kids kind of looked like him. Then again, I regularly grab whole wheat bread at the grocery store thinking its white bread…..

Well, some bitches are screaming that Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket aren’t Michael’s biological children.

TMZ is even saying that Debbie Rowe isn’t their biological mother. A few sources told them that Debbie was the baby oven for Paris and Prince Michael, but her eggs were not used. The identity of the surrogate who carried Blanket is still unknown. The sources went on to yap that all three children were conceived in vitro and they don’t know whether or not Michael knew the egg or sperm donors. And that’s where UsWeekly comes in….

According to their source, Prince Michael and Paris’ bio-father is dermatologist Arnold Klein. The source added, “He and Debbie signed an agreement saying they would never reveal the truth.”

AND TMZ also claims that Michael never adopted any of his three kids, because he didn’t think anybody would try to get custody.

AAAAAGGGHHH! Escandalo overload.

I know it’s cliche as hell, but can all parties involved gather on Maury’s stage to work this out before the headlines get crazier. Because I won’t be surprised if I see a website with the headline: “DEBBIE ROWE REALLY A MAN! WORLD’S TRUE PREGNANT DUDE.”