An American Hero: Ariel Wade Is Fighting The Fight!

June 15, 2009 / Posted by: Michael K

If Norma Rae had a pair of gorgeous eyebrows, traveled around town on a power chair, loved sparkly stickers and had a dozen empty White Castle containers under her bed, her name would be Ariel Wade! Ariel Wade of Minnesota is getting ready to rumble against White Castle for discriminating against her when she was just trying to buy some deliciousness!

It was just after midnight when Ariel zoomed on over to her local White Castle on her electric mobility scooter. Ariel wheeled on up to the drive-thru window, but they refused to serve her! They turned down a hongray disabled woman! And might I add, a hongray disabled woman with truly spectacular eyebrows!

The dumb whores at White Castle told Ariel that the window was only for people in cars. They made Ariel MADDER THAN FISH GREASE! Even though that makes zero sense to me, I’m still going to recycle that term as much as I can. I mean, fish grease has never looked “mad” to me. Lazy and a skeezy, maybe. But not MAD.

Ariel didn’t let White Castle get her down. She rolled on over to McDonald’s. They served her, but told her not go to through the drive-thru again.

When White Castle was contacted about the incident, they said that drive-thru is only for cars, because they don’t want pedestrians to get ran over. White Castle also apologized to Ariel and offered her free food, but she SHUT THEM DOWN. Yes, Ariel turned down free food. She really is madder than fish grease.

Ariel has hired a lawyer and will do whatever it takes to make sure every person in this country can get processed, greasy food no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. I will fight the fight with Ariel, because this is a cause that is near and dear to me. Everyone in America should be able to get their arteris clogged at all times.

I also need to echo the statement left by a YouTube commenter about Ariel: “I guess it’s debatable whether she is in the right in this case, but somehow the way she expresses herself about it just makes me love her. I’ll bet she has some drag queen friends.”

I bet she has chola drag queen friends. I think I love her too.

Tags: Deliciousness, I Don't Like Jokes, Real People, The Colbert, Why Are You Doing This To Us?

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