In His Dreams

During a show in Mountain View, CA, last night, John Mayer told the audience about a dream he had. In his dream, he made out with a chick who wasn’t his girlfriend. A bitch who was at his show told E!, “He was talking about ‘dream cheating. He apparently made out with some chick in his dreams. He had to do his penance to his girlfriend by singing ‘Dreaming with a Broken Heart.'”

Jennifer Aniston probably flipped her chin when she found out about his dream. She cornered him and screamed, “You cheater! How dare you!?” John had to explain to her it was only a dream. She didn’t care, “I thought you were different. But you’re not! Who was the tramp?! WHO?! Let me fucking guess. Her first name stars with an A and ends with an N.” John responded, “You mean ends with an A?” That’s when Jenny made him shave off all his hair off. She used it to make a potion to ward off the cheating spirits.

Here’s John making “diarrhea faces” while playing Irvine, CA the other night. I miss his 80s mop.