Joy Behar

Joy Behar, quit The View today after being on it since episode one, because she says she wants to focus on her stand-up career or whatever. Hmmm, I'm trying to figure out which is the better option:

1. Make a mountain of money to talk shit while sitting in a comfortable chair a few hours a day, four days a week.

or

2. Get out of bed in the morning knowing that you don't have to look at Elisabeth Hasselcrack's annoying face in person that day.

Joy went with option #2 and told Deadline that for almost 17 years she's been one of the hens loudly pecking at the other hens and she's done with it.

“You reach a point when you say to yourself, ‘Do I want to keep doing this?’ There are other things on my plate I want to do — I’ve been writing a play, I’ve been neglecting my standup.

I have a lot of friends [at The View], and I will miss everyone I’ve worked with because we have a family there. It is a smart talk show because somebody of [Barbara's] stature is leading the conversation; Barbara was one of the main reasons I took that job."

Joy's HLN show was dropped into the shit can and her show on Current TV will end once the network gets taken over by Al Jazeera. Joy, who will stay with The View until the summer, is talking to CNN about possibly doing a show there.

Joy's replacement probably won't be announced for a while, but Brooke Shields and Alexandra Wentworth are supposedly talking to the producers of The View about taking that second chair. Brooke Shields and Alexandra Wentworth? Nope. They might as well replace Joy with an over-boiled piece of cauliflower if they're thinking of replacing her with Brooke Sheilds and Alexandra Wentworth. Here's my top 5 choices for Joy's replacement:

1. Tan Mom
2. Rosie O'Donnell (but only if The View agrees to not let her bear handlers try to tame her when she jumps on Elisabeth)
3. Tard the Grumpy Cat
4. A shark who only eats blondes
5. Jon Hamm's Hammaconda

or The View can just pretend that Joy Behar never left and put Fred Armisen as Joy in the second chair every day.

We'll never know the difference.

Sherri "The German" Shepherd (copyright: Fresh) just got her wedding veil snatched off of her head (not really) by one of her partners in hen peckery! Joy Behar of The View always squawks about how marriage is about as important to her as not dressing like a pilgrim Benjamin Franklin is to Whoopi Goldberg, but she's changed her mind.

Joy married her partner of 29 years Steve Janowitz in New York City on Thursday night. Sadly, Joy's rep didn't confirm this shit by saying SO WHAT? WHO CARES? Joy's rep said she'll talk about it when The View comes back next month.

"She has married her spousal equivalent. She will discuss it all on The View on Sept 6, when The View kicks off Season 15 live."

And Sherri is supposed to bark out her wedding vows in Chicago today. Let's hope that Elisabeth Hasselcrack trumps both of those bitches by marrying her jaw together in wired bliss.

via UsWeekly

You know that politics give me nipple calluses, so I've been pretty much "whatever" about Donald Trump's need to see President Obama's birth certificate even though we haven't seen Trump's natural complexion or hairline in centuries. However, now I'm feeling the opposite of "whatever" (but I'll go back to feeling "whatever" after this post until Melania speaks again) because Melania Trump, the most glamorous woman named Melania Trump, has spoken out about the birth certificate issue, and guess what?! Melania is siding with the sugar pappy husband who keeps her skin slathered in liquid gold! TWIST!

While peddling her jewelry line for QVC (too. perfect.) on Joy Behar's CNN show, Melania said that her husband has a "genius' mind" and would make an excellent president. Joy then brought up the birth certificate issue and made a few points, but Melania pretty much repeated the same phrase I shout at men I've just met: SHOW IT!!!! Clip below:

I could watch the 2:26 mark on a loop all the way through Easter.