Open Post: Hosted By Martha Stewart’s Messy Scrambled Eggs Hack

January 8, 2019 / Posted by:

You know, despite their low-simmering rivalry, Martha Stewart and Gwyneth Paltrow really aren’t all that different. They both sport WASPy flaxen locks, know the proper way to care for cashmere, and they both sleep like babies at night knowing that there is one correct way to do things, and that’s their way. And they both also have a thing for steam. While Gwyneth thinks you should steam your eggs (if you have them) indirectly through your vagina and up your fallopian tubes, Martha’s method gets right to the point. Martha recommends steaming your eggs using a cappuccino machine.

Martha appeared in Food Network promo for a guest stint as a judge on Chopped and shared her unique method for making scrambled eggs using the steamer attachment on a cappuccino machine. It’s really simple. All you need is a mug, an egg, a little butter, salt and pepper, an industrial-grade cappuccino machine, and an army of interns to clean up after you. Easy peasy!

I hope that conversation starts with, “Who the fuck is going to clean up this mess?“. And it’s a good thing she’s not cooking near an open flame in that sweater. Those sleeves are practically begging to catch on fire.

Gwyneth’s probably kicking herself in the pussy right now that she didn’t think of suggesting the use of a prohibitively expensive and notoriously hard to clean piece of equipment in her Goop scrambled eggs recipe. Poor basic Gwynny said to use a “non-stick pan” and a “spoon or spatula” and everybody’s already got those. But cheer up, girl. You told them to use a spoon in a non-stick pan so at least your advice was dangerous and on-brand, if not impractical!

Pic: Twitter

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