Open Post: Hosted By The Jolly F-Bomb A Burglar Drops Into Paddington Bear’s Ear

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Giant British retailer Marks & Spencer put out their holiday ad last week, and yeah, bitches are late. Most major department stores have been hustling for holiday money when it was still “coochie cutters and crop tops” weather. But in their holiday ad, they bring together Paddington Bear and the burglar whose Christmas is ruined by that annoying do-gooder in a duffel coat.

The ad starts out with Paddington’s tip getting moist while having Christmas Eve dreams about marmalade. He’s then woken up by another bear. The other bear is out stealing Christmas presents when Paddington knocks him out by opening a window and mistakes the criminal thief for Santa. Paddington is either a master pretender or dumber than a dried dingle. The real Santa would never even think of using a box of Just For Men to sloppily half-dye his glorious white beard, and he wouldn’t be caught dead in jeans and a dreadful Land’s End windbreaker.

Paddington insists on helping Santa “deliver” presents, and the two go around town, returning the presents the robber stole. Eventually the robber feels the Christmas love and when Paddington gives him a dry, basic, ugly sandwich, he hugs the bear. Now, the robber obviously says, “Thank you, little bear,” but some are hearing, “Fuck you, little bear.” At around the 1:10 mark:

Marks & Spencer tell Adweek that they’re not going to change the ad, because it’s clear that the robber says ,”Thank you, little bear.” The only thing this proves is that Marks & Spencer suck at realistic storytelling. That robber would never thank Paddington, and would most definitely tell the bear to fuck off. Now because of Paddington that robber has to go and re-steal all of those presents. He’s basically going to have to work overtime, and during the Christmas holiday, nonetheless. So selfish, that Paddington is.

Pic: YouTube

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