Hot weirdo Evan Peters and Julia Roberts’ maybe-crazy niece Emma Roberts called it quits for the 1.7 millionth time back in May. If American Horror Story ever did a season based around Groundhog Day, this would be the B storyline. Because once again, Emma Roberts and Evan Peters are back together.
About a month after Emma and Evan’s most recent breakup, UsWeekly reported that her crotch’s breakup tears were being wiped away by the penis belonging to a guy named Christopher Hines. They’re obviously not together anymore, because multiple sources say that Emma and Evan are definitely back together. They were seen looking “like a couple” at a concert late in August, then were spotted a week later getting bagels together.
I joked yesterday about Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent being rebound queens, but they’ve got nothing on Emma and Evan. Emma and Evan have been dating since 2012 and yes, I was exaggerating when I said they’ve broken up 1.7 million times. The actual number is only two, but maybe it’s because their relationship is so messy that it feels like it’s been a million. Emma got arrested for allegedly beating Evan, which was followed by an engagement, which was followed by a break up and then another break up (the last one). Who knows how long this latest one will last, but my money is on the pony named Not Very Long, Probably.
All this breakup/makeup stuff is fine when you’re in high school. But Evan is 29 and Emma is 25, and it’s such a waste when you’re in your 20s. Emma is a whole lot less like her Scream Queens character than I thought. Chanel Oberlin would never be so boring if she were in the same position. I like to think that instead of going back to someone like Evan, she’d inform Chanels numbers 3 and 5 that they were all now in a polyamorous relationship with the actual Devil. I mean, come on Emma, live a little.