Seen above giving you “washed-up and dried out, crab infested red seaweed” hotness, Lindsay Lohan has been asked to talk about her messy wreck of a relationship with Egor Tarabasov on a talk show in Russia, and since she lives in a wet fart bubble of delusion where she thinks she’s a gigantic star, she’s asking for a whole lot. LiLo is a monkey funeral away from becoming the Norma Desmond of our time.
TMZ says that the Russian talk show Pust govoryat, which is on a state-owned station, is trying to get LiLo to Russia for an interview, and she has hit them with a list of demands that gets funnier and funnier as your eyeballs scan it. LiLo wants half a million British pounds, a private jet ride and a special date with Vladimir Putin. I can see the New York Post headline now: Puta Meets Putin!
— a private jet
— 1 year Russian visa with extension
— 500,000 British pounds
— hair, makeup and manicurist onboard jet
— Ritz-Carlton penthouse suite
Oh, and one other thing. She wants to meet with President Vladimir Putin and get photos with him.
Apparently, the station has met some of LiLo’s hilarious demands. At least that’s what TMZ’s source says and I’d bet that the source is coming from inside Lindsay Lohan’s head. I’m guessing that after LiLo sent over her list of demands, the executives shoved the internal organs they laughed out back up into their bodies through their assholes, and then sent over their final offer: an EasyJet ticket, a half-empty bottle of the authentic Russian vodka Popov, a cot in theTV station janitor’s closet and a gently used Putin butt plug.
And because of that “1 year Russian visa” and “meeting with Putin” shit, I’m also guessing that LiLo scribbles the name “First Lady Lindsay Putin” on her notebooks. But LiLo better watch it, because Wendi Deng is never the one and will whoop a trick who tries to fuck with the next stop on her endless social ladder climb.