The Emmy Nominations Are In And John Travolta’s Brow Wigs Were Robbed!
If you watched Anthony Anderson and the Gilmore Girls chick (“Have some respect, you uneducated bitch!” – you Gilmore Girls fans) announce the Emmy nominations live this morning, then you’ve probably switched from drinking coffee to freebasing Valium. Because Anthony Anderson had the energy of an ADHD-having Mexican jumping bean on Red Bull and speed. Anthony screamed a bunch of names and nearly lost his asshole when he was nominated. It’s just the Emmys! Dude acted like he just found out there’s an It’s A Living marathon on basic cable. But anyway, as I put ice on my punched ear holes with one hand, let’s get to the Emmy nominations.
Of course, Game of Thrones pulled in the most nominations with 23, and The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story got the second most with 22 nominations. Pretty much every single actor and prop from The People v. O.J. Simpson were nominated including Courtney B. Vance, Sarah Paulson, Cuba Gooding Jr., Sterling K. Brown, John Travolta and David Schwimmer for his performance as serious Ross Geller in a salt and pepper wig. But they left out the most important character and the reason why most of us watched: John Travolta’s breathtaking turd-shaped brow wigs! As soon as the Emmy tricks realized that John Travolta’s boomerang brows weren’t nominated, they should’ve declared this year’s nominations null and void and canceled the ceremony. Maybe they’re giving those brows a Lifetime Achievement In Beauty Award? But if they don’t, any actor who wins from that series needs to immediately hand over their trophy to those wigs, because those wigs held that show together with its thick polyester strands.
Lady Gaga won the Golden Globe for American Horror Story: Hotel, but I guess she didn’t write a big enough check this time, because she didn’t get an Emmy nom. Sarah Paulson and Kathy Bates both got noms for AHS. And this year, the Emmys really belong to AUNT JACKIE! Laurie Metcalf got 3 nominations including one for the work of brilliance she did on one of the greatest shows ever Getting On. Auntie Jackie is the Hamilton of TV actresses and she deserves to be nominated in every category, so 3 is kind of low.
Also, Tom Hiddleston was nominated for The Night Manager, so if he and Taylor Swift haven’t married, had a baby and divorced by September, make sure you eat a light lunch on Emmy day. You’ll be heaving a lot when he drops to his knee on the red carpet and proposes to her as she gently caresses her pillow baby.
UPDATE: In my rage over Travolta’s brow wigs getting wrongly snubbed, I missed RuPaul getting his first nomination for Outstanding Host for RuPaul’s Drag Race. Along with nominating Laurie Metcalf 3 times this year, the Emmys did 2 things right this year. I hope Ru wears a kimono to the ceremony.
All of the Emmy nominations are here, but I’ve copy and pasted a few of the major categories after the cut:
Outstanding Drama Series
The Americans
Better Call Saul
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
Homeland
House of Cards
Mr. Robot
Outstanding Comedy Series
Modern Family
Silicon Valley
Transparent
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Veep
Master of None
Black-ish
Outstanding Limited Series
American Crime
The Night Manager
Fargo
The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Roots
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Kyle Chandler, Bloodline
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Rami Malek, Mr. Robot
Matthew Rhys, The Americans
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Claire Danes, Homeland
Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder
Taraji P. Henson, Empire
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Keri Russell, The Americans
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Michael Kelly, House of Cards
Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline
Kit Harington, Game of Thrones
Jon Voight, Mickey Donovan
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Lena Headey, Game of Thrones
Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones
Maisie Williams, Game of Thrones
Maura Tierney, The Affair
Constance Zimmer, UnREAL
Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series
Max von Sydow, Game of Thrones
Reg E. Cathey, House of Cards
Mahershala Ali, House of Cards
Paul Sparks, House of Cards
Hank Azaria, Ray Donovan
Michael J. Fox, The Good Wife
Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series
Laurie Metcalf, Horace and Pete
Ellen Burstyn, House of Cards
Molly Parker, House of Cards
Allison Janney, Masters of Sex
Margo Martindale, The Americans
Carrie Preston, The Good Wife
Outstanding Actor in a Limited Series or Movie
Cuba Gooding Jr., The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Courtney B. Vance, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Bryan Cranston, All the Way
Idris Elba, Luther
Tom Hiddleston, The Night Manager
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: The Abominable Bride
Outstanding Actress in a Limited Series or Movie
Sarah Paulson, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Kerry Washington, Confirmation
Kirsten Dunst, Fargo
Felicity Huffman, American Crime
Audra McDonald, Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar & Grill
Lili Taylor, American Crime
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or a Movie
Melissa Leo, All the Way
Jean Smart, Fargo
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Hotel|
Regina King, American Crime
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Hotel
Olivia Colman, The Night Manager
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or a Movie
Jesse Plemons, Fargo
Hugh Laurie, The Night Manager
Sterling K. Brown, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
John Travolta, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
David Schwimmer, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story
Bokeem Woodbine, Fargo
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
William H. Macy, Shameless
Anthony Anderson, Black-ish
Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth
Thomas Middleditch, Silicon Valley
Aziz Ansari, Master of None
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Schumer, Inside Amy Schumer
Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie
Ellie Kemper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Tracee Ellis Ross, Black-ish
Laurie Metcalf, Getting On
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Niecy Nash, Getting On
Allison Janney, Mom
Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live
Judith Light, Transparent
Gaby Hoffman, Transparent
Anna Chlumsky, Veep
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Louie Anderson, Baskets
Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Keegan-Michael Key, Key & Peele
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Tony Hale, Veep
Matt Walsh, Veep
Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series
Tracy Morgan, Saturday Night Live
Larry David, Saturday Night Live
Bob Newhart, The Big Bang Theory
Bradley Whitford, Transparent
Martin Mull, Veep
Peter MacNicol, Veep
Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series
Tina Fey & Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live
Amy Schumer, Saturday Night Live
Christine Baranski, The Big Bang Theory
Laurie Metcalf, The Big Bang Theory
Melora Hardin, Transparent
Outstanding Reality Competition Program
The Voice
Top Chef
Dancing With the Stars
The Amazing Race
Project Runway
American Ninja Warrior
Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Tom Bergeron, Dancing with the Stars
Jane Lynch, Hollywood Game Night
Steve Harvey, Little Big Shots
Heidi Klum & Tim Gunn, Project Runway
RuPaul, RuPaul’s Drag Race
Pics: FX