Who in the hell really cares about Wimbledon? The true ball flying action went down during the Look At Me Open in Woodland Hills, CA yesterday. Thousands of tennis fans (read: the two paps they called) piled into the stadium (read: the tennis court they rented) to watch a thrilling match (read: a messy photo shoot for the paps) between grand slam queen of the ho stroll Phoebe Price and fellow demure flower Alicia Arden. If you don’t take selfies and wear red high heels while playing tennis, you’re doing it completely wrong. I’m talking to you, Serena Williams.
And after a long day (read: like an hour since that’s how long they got the court for) of playing a thrilling game of tennis, PP, like most serious athletes, needed to quench her thirst and thankfully the pap she called was there to capture the moment. Because if a pap isn’t there to take pictures of PP licking a water fountain stream like it’s a dick, will her thirst be quenched? Actually, all the water in the world couldn’t quench Chicken Cutlets’ permanent thirst and thank the gods for that.