On the left is I-G-G-Y in March and on the right is someone who is supposed to be I-G-G-Y at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas last night.
When world-renowned Pig Latin rapper Iggy Azalea hit the pap stroll at the Billboard Music Awards last night, everyone asked, “Who dat? Who dat? No, really, who dat?” Iggy debuted her brand new face yesterday. Iggy admitted to getting a pair of silicone titty balls installed in her chest a few months ago and it looks like she had another date with a plastic surgeon’s scalpel. It looks like she told her plastic surgeon to give her the stage 1 Lil’ Kim. The Daily Mail has a few side-by-side pictures of Iggy’s old nose compared with her newly cinched, rotated and chiseled down schnoz. Since I’ve always got peen on the brain, her new nose kind of looks like a pencil dick with a mushroom head to me. It also looks like Iggy got shot up with all the Botox and had a chin implant shoved into her face. She now looks like one of the White Chicks in a fun house mirror.
My only response to Iggy’s new face is:
Iggy and Brit Brit Spears’ performance of the eardrum-killing song “Pretty Girls” aired during the Billboard Music Awards last night. They tried to make it sound like Brit Brit and Iggy were performing it live at Planet Hollywood, but that mess of a performance was actually filmed on Friday. I know because I tried to go. I went to see Piece of Me on Friday and everybody who had tickets for that night were invited to a “special filming of a special performance with a special guest” a couple of hours before the show.
They didn’t let me into the “special performance” because I had my phone with me and refused to part with it. No cellphones were allowed and they were checking bitches hard for that shit. I guess it would be awkward if video of the “live Billboard Music Award performance” leaked before the show even aired. Some girls behind me in the security line went to the bathroom to hide their phones in their chonies. iSnatch! I guess I could’ve hid my phone up my ass, but security would’ve caught me eventually. Security would’ve gotten suspicious as soon as I walked by and they heard a “shoe bouncing around in a dryer” sound coming from my ass. I got drunk at P.F. Chang’s instead and I think I made the right decision:
As for a Piece of Me, I can only describe it as an animatronic drag show and as spontaneous as…well as spontaneous as a Brit Brit show. Even the onstage “banter” is totally scripted. Brit Brit is a well-rehearsed robot in a weave and everyone in the audience (including my ass) sang live way more than she did. In other words, I loved it! But well, I bought this in the gift shop afterward. That is a tragic cry for help, right? That tweet is my rock bottom.
And here’s more pictures of Iggy’s face as well as Brit Brit with her man Charlie Ebersol who came dressed as a Good Humor ice cream man. He probably had a really good time with her yanking at his sleeve every hour to ask him, “Gimme a Strawmamaberry Shortcake!”