It’s been around 6 weeks since I wrote about Shia LaBeouf’s gorgeous rattail extension and since then it looks like it been in several knife fights, electrocuted and attacked by a hawk who mistook it for an actual rat in distress. Before, Shia’s stunning rattail gave me “Florida truck stop hustler” glamour and now it just looks a mess. It’s a totally different color. It makes him look like Kenny Powers’ creepier younger brother who was banned from all Shelby-area hair salons after he stole a cut-off braid during a Locks of Love donation event and braided it into his own hair.
Shia and the tortured polyester creature attached to his head went Hugo’s in West Hollywood where he had lunch with Merida from Brave. Merida should’ve pulled her sword out and cut that shit off. No, it actually serves a purpose. Later, Shia was papped carrying a jug of water to his car. Since California is in a drought, someone could’ve jumped his ass for that jug of water. But that didn’t happen because no stranger will go near him out of fear that his rattail will come alive and bite them.