While making #FREEARIZONALLAMAS t-shirts with puffy paint just right now, I took a break to scroll through pictures from the Gucci show in Milan and a piece of my childhood did the slow wall slide of NOOOOOO when my eyes landed on this picture of what looks like the corpse of Fizzgig from The Dark Crystal. NOT FIZZGIG!
According to Gucci, Fall 2015 is all about Wookie footwear and pubes for your shoes. Some shoes look like Khloe Kardashian’s hooves in their natural state and other shoes look like they were covered in gerbil pubes. How dreadful. If the designers at Gucci thought to themselves, “Hmmm, let’s make some crap that’s even uglier than UGGs,” they should give themselves twenty pats on the taint for accomplishing their mission. It looks like that model is foot fucking a gigantic guinea pig in the butt. Call the ASPCA now.
Why would you want to wear something that looks like it used to live on Donald Trump’s head? It’s only the perfect shoe for you if you’ve always wanted to get your ankles gnawed on by coyotes, because as soon as you step out in the those things all the beasts of the wild are going to come out and attack your feet. With that being said, I really can’t wait to see hos on a budget try to recreate these shoes using old Vans, Super Glue and discarded weaves found on the floor of the club.
I’ve also thrown in a few NSFW pictures of the clothes if you really want to see some shit that’s a cross between young Tootsie and costumes from The Royal Tenenbaums porn parody.