Justin Timberlake Finally Lets Everyone Know That He’s Going To Be A Dad

January 31, 2015 / Posted by:

Today is the 34th anniversary of Justin Timberlake’s born day and he thanked everyone for throwing happy birthday wishes at him by Instagramming that picture with this caption:

Thank you EVERYONE for the Bday wishes! This year, I’m getting the GREATEST GIFT EVER. CAN’T WAIT. #BoyOrGirl #YouNeverKnow #WeDontEvenKnow #WeAreTakingBets

When I first saw that picture, for about a second I thought JT was kissing on someone’s ass cheeks. I thought he was really happy about getting some ass to kiss on his for his birthday and this picture was his way of coming out as a lover of salad tossing. I expected him to announce a collaboration with Drake next. But then my one brain cell (I’m being generous) started working and I realized that it’s not a pair of nalgas he has his lips on, it’s a belly full of baby. Anyone who cares about the goings on in Jessica Biel’s womb has known for a while that she’s knocked up with a TimberFetus that will hopefully inherit its dad’s natural Ramen noodle curls. Today, Justin finally confirmed that he’s going to be a dad. If you look down at your pubes, you’ll see that one of them has turned white. That’s from finding out that Justin Timberlake is going to be a dad. We’re all old.

Poor Jessica Biel. Justin hijacked her wedding cover of People Magazine¬†and now he leaves her face out of his baby announcement picture. Are we sure that’s even Jessica? Are we sure that’s not a bewigged Joey Fatone after a belly wax?

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