Katy Perry was the celebrity guest picker on ESPN College GameDay in Oxford, Mississippi today, because she wanted a reason to wear that jersey made out of Muppet carcasses and her manager went to Ole Miss. Katy brought the acid-induced foolery in heavy doses by speaking in a Southern accent, dropping dick jokes, busting out some panty pudding over some college quarterback and throwing corn dogs. When Katy was asked to pick a winner in the LSU vs. Auburn game, she did the corn dog salute. While doing research for this highly important story, I learned that there’s a running joke about LSU fans always smelling like corn dogs. (Mental note: Replace all my family and friends with LSU fans.) So she trolled those corn dog-smelling hos by bringing out a corn dog. I love the hot Orville Redenbacher-looking dude next to her. He’s looking at that corn dog and thinking to himself, “If you chopped a few inches off of that corn dog, threw a KKK hood over it and covered it with a bunch of warts, it’d look just like her ex-boyfriend’s dick!”
Here’s Katy’s “greatest hits” from today. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to call the police in Oxford, Mississippi and ask them to please issue an arrest warrant against Katy Perry for thieving FKA Twigs’ hairstyle and for wasting all those delicious corn dogs.