The Porn Iguana And Doug Hutchison Are Back Together Because True Love Always Conquers

August 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Remember last year when the Porn Iguana and Doug Hutchison (aka the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton of our time) broke up and you immediately dumped your piece because love obviously didn’t exist and we were all destined to be ALONE? The cherubs immediately got in line at the unemployment office because they knew that their job was a lie. Well, call up your piece and beg them back, because love has risen from the ashes now that the half-melted Dollar Tree iguana toy and the prolapsed vagina-faced creep who brought her are back together again. Rejoice! Love lives!

Courtney Stodden’s shameless pimp of a mother, Krista Keller, tells FOX411 that since breaking up with Tooms, her daughter has “experienced other men” and what she means by that is she tried to sell her off to a few 90-year-old millionaires but the best offer she got was a wilted head of lettuce and an opened bag of iguana food. So the Porn Iguana realized that she belongs with the leech who looks like a botched circumcision.

“Courtney realized just how much love she really had for Doug. They really love each other and wanted to be together.

When I signed that [marriage certificate], I think moms sometimes know their daughters and I’m very very happy for them that she’s made this choice again for herself.”

During the Couples Therapy reunion, which shot recently, the Porn Iguana and Creepy Doug announced that they’re back together and are engaged. These messes are still married, so now they’re an engaged married couple? Just like the Porn Iguana’s entire existence, that doesn’t make any sense. But it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that the sanctity of marriage is restored. If two STUNT QUEEN fame whores who got married for publicity, faked their split for publicity and are getting back together for publicity can make it, any of us can make it.

Dourtney has his family back! (“Bitch, you say that like it’s a good thing.” – Dourtney)

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